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Hi! Here's my story

Hi there,
name's Oscar. I've recently found out about demisexuality and I feel better to know that I'm not the only one. I'm 21 and I haven't had a girlfriend or sex, but sure I've hooked up, made out with some girls. The point is, I'm not "unsocial" or "shy". I have plenty of friends, familty. I go out, have parties, meet people, work with others, make plans with my friends...
I like girls but in some way I don't get interested in them. It's kind of weird, it's not I don't feel the attraction. I can tell that a girl is pretty and hot, but I don't desire them or want to do... anything with a stranger, even if she's superhot.
As for everyone here, I guess, my familiy and friends push me: "haven't you a girlfriend yet?" "why don't you like her?" "why won't you go and talk to that girl?". But I don't want to. I've only felt interested in two or three girls in my life.

When I'm with my friends (boys), they're all the time like "hey, that girl is hot!" or "dat ass!" or "come on, let's go meet girls". And when they talk about sex, I always remain silent. When I meet a girl, I don't see her as a... girl, but as a person. I usually wanna talk to her, get to know her, just that, play nice. I feel more interested in the person than in her body. But nowadays even girls lost interest in you if you don't act like you wanna bang them.

Unlike other demisexuals, sex isn't completally unpleasent to me. I mean, I like sex, I wouldn't care having one-night sex or hooking up. I don't necessarily need to be in a relationship or "get married". And I it's not like I want to find a "special and unique girl" for the first time. But I need to trust the girl, I need to feel the connection, I must care about her and feel that she cares about me. I need to know that I'm not only a toy to her. Otherwise I can't do it, I don't like it.

Furthermore, observing my friends and other people, I see how, for sex, they lie, be selfish, arrogant, hypocrite, false, or they betray their principles or promises, and I think that society is over-sexualized and obsessed with it... Sex usually brings out the worst of people. Hence, it gets hard for me to trust other people, especially girls.

I've fallen in love with 2 girls. Love is important to me, more than anything. It has affected me significantly and changed me over the years. The first one I loved never even looked at me. I got to hook up with the second, but then I had to give it up because she felt nothing and I felt sick. It's very hard for me to find someone special, but even when I do and we like each other, she feels nothing and treats me like a toy, uses me to get fun. I hate being with someone who feels nothing for me. I don't need "love", but just some affection, connection, feeling.

To conclude: for a long time I felt bad for being alone and not doing what others do (find a partner, having sex). Now I embrace what I am, I'm a lonely wolf. I don't need to do something I don't want to. Parhaps I find someone someday, but most likely not. Even if I did, she would have to accept what I am and my lack of experience. At least, thanks to my loathing for sex, I've been able to focus on my job, my studies, my hobbies and I feel that my life is something more than just eat, sleep, sex and party, like for most of people.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
ride_4ever
Dec. 11th, 2016 10:31 pm (UTC)
Go you for your level of understanding, acceptance, and shaping a life that makes sense to you!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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