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Heteroromantic demisexual

Does that even make sense...? So, reading more about this, I can relate to being a demisexual. But since demisexual is on the asexual scale, and I don't see guys I like in a sexual situation until I do get really close to them that would that make me heteroromantic instead of heterosexual, right...?

I'm still looking into this asexual gray-A thing.

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e_d_young
Jul. 27th, 2012 11:19 pm (UTC)
It sounds like you're demisexual. If you feel sexual attraction after you form a close relationship with a guy, then you're demisexual. If you do not feel sexual attraction after forming a close relationship with a guy, then you're heteroromantic. The terms are distinct and are not meant to be combined.

I identify as grey-A. Why grey-A instead of demisexual? Because I am capable of feeling sexual attraction to someone I don't know, like a stranger across the room. It's extremely rare but it does happen. A demisexual does not have this kind of reaction. She (or he) is capable of feeling sexual attraction only after a close emotional connection is in place.

That's my understanding of the terms. Hope it helps.

Edited at 2012-07-27 11:38 pm (UTC)
brian_dg
Oct. 18th, 2012 08:13 pm (UTC)
The examples you gave for a demisexual and a heteroromantic are true, but the bit you mentioned about the two being distinct... that's not the case at all. Human sexuality's seriously variable and complex; it can never be defined properly with just 'straight', 'gay' or 'asexual', as you know obviously, lol. These terms just give a label to something real, but yeah since it's only a label, it can obviously be made more accurate.

The attraction between people that forms relationships is not limited to a single form. Sexual attraction is one of them. Romantic attraction is the other. Those two are distinct, and it's obvious that one doesn't say anything at all about the other. This is why they need to be combined to describe a person's overall 'attraction' to a stranger who could potentially turn out to be a partner.

The 'romantic' terms (like 'heteroromantic' or 'biromantic') don't refer to sexuality at all, but 'romantic attraction'. So using 'heteroromantic' as a standalone term describes absolutely nothing about that person's sexuality. To add what the person's sexuality is, there needs to be a 'sexual' term there as well, or it's just vague.

Just to explain what I mean...

The example you gave for a demisexual can either be a 'heteroromantic demisexual' towards their male partner or a 'biromantic demisexual' towards their partner who just happened to be a male.

And the example you gave for a heteroromantic is actually a 'heteroromantic asexual', since after that relationship was formed after being romantically attracted (heteroromantic), sexual attraction never developed (asexual), no matter how close they were.

The 'romantic' and 'sexual' labels combined can give a near-perfect label to a person's orientation. I'll give as many as I can some definitions just to be clear :)...

Heteroromantic Asexual: "A person who is romantically attracted to the opposite sex, but never experiences sexual attraction, regardless of how strong an emotional connection they may have to someone."

Heteroromantic Demisexual: "A person who is romantically attracted to the opposite sex, but never experiences sexual attraction, except towards a person with whom they have a strong emotional connection with."

(And here's something interesting, lol. Varying 'romantic attraction' can define some personalities you've definitely heard of)...

Heteroromantic Heterosexual (the most common form of 'straight'): "A person who is both romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite sex."

Aromantic Heterosexual (examples: swinger, slut; never start a relationship with one of these, lol): "A person who is sexually attracted to the opposite sex but never experiences romantic attraction."

Demiromantic Heterosexual (example: a former swinger who eventually fell in love with one girl after becoming emotionally attached to her after a long friendship): "A person who is sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but can only become romantically attracted to a person if a strong emotional relationship has developed with them."

Biromantic Heterosexual (this one's rare but I've seen it in some girls: 'straight' girls who are open to having a close romantic and emotional relationship with another girl but in an entirely non-sexual way): "A person who is romantically attracted to both sexes, but only experiences sexual attraction towards the opposite sex."

Homoromantic Heterosexual (again, mainly seen in girls and the same as above but they don't feel romantic at all with the males they're sexually attracted to): "A person who is romantically attracted to the same sex and never the opposite, who only experiences sexual attraction towards the opposite sex."

And yeah, it's interesting how many types you can define with these :).
brian_dg
Oct. 18th, 2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
And LOL, as hard as it is to wrap your head around, you can actually define someone's attraction even further by adding an extra "demi" term. Just think about it and it makes perfect sense:

Heteroromantic Demiheterosexual : "A person who is romantically attracted to the opposite sex, but never experiences sexual attraction, except towards a person /of the opposite sex/ with whom they have a strong emotional connection with." (In this case, this demisexual would never develop sexual attraction towards someone of the same sex, regardless of how close the connection is. But towards someone of the opposite sex, they will once there is a strong emotional connection.)

Or... even further by adding "demi" to both terms... LOL:

Demibiromantic Demihomosexual: "A person who does not experience romantic attraction except towards someone of either gender with whom they have a strong emotional connection with, but never experiences sexual attraction except towards someone of the same sex with whom they have a strong emotional connection with."

Yeah it's interesting. When someone says "I'm a demisexual", they're really only saying only a part of it. If you expand it, it typically has the same meaning as "I'm a demiromantic demisexual", unless that particular person has an "exception" to that: such as "But wait, if I'm in a close relationship with a girl, I wouldn't develop any sort of attraction to 'em, but with a guy, it does...". This is when an expanded label becomes more convenient to describe it. She's actually a "demiheteroromantic demiheterosexual". Yeah, LOL it's long, but it's accurate. :)

The reason you can only add an extra "demi" to them and not an "a" is because it pretty much means 'none'. An "Ahomosexual" implies the same thing as "Heterosexual", since "Ahomosexual" would mean "No sexual attraction towards the same sex", but it could still be useful in a seriously brainteasing pansexual sense, LOL: in this case an "Ahomosexual" is "A person who experiences sexual attraction to all sexes except the same sex."

Hope this helps everyone trying to figure out what label to give their own :).
smurfindisguise
Jul. 28th, 2012 02:28 am (UTC)
Sounds to me like that works and makes sense, but you can define however you want. If you like this as a way of explaining yourself, use it, and if not or if that changes, that's cool too.
gmdreia
Jul. 28th, 2012 02:41 am (UTC)
Makes sense to me.

I think of myself as a lesbian because I lean far enough on the Kinsey scale (about a 5) IMO to warrant this. In practice, I'm biromantic but only experience primary sexual attraction to women. I have in the past experienced *secondary* sexual attraction to men.

kauditore
Jul. 28th, 2012 04:32 pm (UTC)
I can find woman very attractive, but it's never been a romantic or a sexual attraction no matter how hard I try, lol. It's like the level 2 tier of JennaMarble's girl crush tier- I want to be you.
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